How to Say Goodbye

One of the most surprising things about my child having a Down syndrome diagnosis has been the vast network of online support. There are message boards, facebook groups, and endless blogs to turn to for information, friendship, and support.

When Rowenna was just a few months old, I was frequently posting on a message board. This was before I met anyone in “real life” and the women I met on the board helped me get my head straight in those early months. I have a distinct screen name, a phrase from the Baha’i faith, and another poster recognized it as such. She sent me a message asking if I was Baha’i, and lo and behold I learned that she had been raised in the faith.

We messaged back and forth a bit, read each other’s forum posts, and eventually we started reading each other’s blogs. And I’m not sure how or when it happened, but she became a friend. A dear, cherished friend.

We’ve never met in person. I’ve never heard the sound of her voice. I’ve only seen her face in the few pictures she posts online. And yet she’s as dear a friend to me as anyone I have met in person and have known for years.

She has held my virtual hand through my miscarriages, as I sorted out what it means to be a translocation carrier, as Ro has gone through her various medical mysteries. She has been there at 2am. At 3pm. At pretty much any time that I’ve needed her. She has sent me worried texts and hilarious messages. We have had long conversations about disability and advocacy and what the future might hold for our girls. I have a piece of her artwork hanging in my home; she has several pieces of my knitting keeping her hands warm and her children entertained.

And our girls? Our girls are on such a similar trajectory it’s almost eerie. I can’t even count the number of times she has described something her daughter is doing and it is nearly word for word what I would say about Rowenna. While we don’t always have answers for each other about why our girls are doing something, or how to best support them, it’s nice to know someone else out there knows how it feels.

But now, she’s off on the adventure of a lifetime. Her family is driving the Pan Am, rolling along in a custom truck/camper. They are free as birds and brave as can be. They’ll have some internet access as they make their way to the tip of South America, but it won’t be the same as picking up my phone to shoot off a quick text, or typing up my “deep thoughts” in the middle of the night and sending them to her via facebook.

So how do you say good bye to someone you’ve never met? How do you miss someone who was never physically there?

I’m not sure. I know I will miss my friend very much, even as my heart bursts with excitement for her family. So, bon voyage, dear friend. I wish you luck and happiness and clear weather as you embark on this wonderful adventure! I’ll be waiting by the mailbox for my first postcard.

(If you’re not already reading With a Little Moxie, I encourage you to check it out. Follow their adventure towards all points south!)