State of the Spark – 16 Weeks Edition

So I’m 16 weeks pregnant. For friends and family following along, I thought I would post a quick update of how our little spark is doing.

Everything is going well baby-wise. Nice, strong heartbeat and I’m starting to feel the little “bubbles” that I know will very quickly turn into “I’m here!” flutters. (Of course, those also quickly turn into “oh, were you sleeping?” kicks…) Our little girl is growing right on track and has been very active on all ultrasounds.

Mom is a bit of a different story. Pregnancy is hard on me, not in a “gee, I wish I could keep breakfast down” way, but rather in a getting iv fluids way. And I think I’m finally catching up to the fact that for the last year, I’ve either been pregnant, hormonally postpartum, or grieving in some way. Rowenna’s pregnancy was physically hard, so hard that I spent a lot of that pregnancy making hubby promise we were going to be one-and-done. My body was not in top condition to begin this pregnancy, and it’s been just as hard as Rowenna’s but with the added challenge of a swirl of emotions ranging from pure joy to gut-wrenching fear.

In short, I’m exhausted. And tired of anti-nausea meds, trying not to lose weight (a sentence I’d never thought I would type), and the worry.  It’s still so hard to believe that this little spark will be coming home with us. Mostly I feel like hubby and I exist in a state of carefully guarded hope.

I’ve been knitting for our little girl, but I think my state of mind comes through in the knitting – seems I’m having to go back over and over again to fix stitches and missed pattern directions. I can’t help but wonder if these things, too, will end up in the pile of tiny projects I had started for Clementine but never had the heart to finish.

But we keep plugging along. I got a little over zealous and planned a whole new bedroom for Rowenna. It’s coming together piece by piece, including a brand new quilt made by her great aunt. I’m curious to see what she will think of a bed rather than her converted crib. I wonder what she will think of a big girl room while her little sister sleeps in her old room. I picture her growing in this room, sitting in the window seat to read books, dreaming big dreams. It’s a project I can launch myself into without fear because my sweet girl is here, whole and beautiful. A girl I can hold in my arms.

Our baby also has a few projects on the horizon, including a quilt made by her grandma. There will be a few tweaks to Rowenna’s room to change it up just a bit for the new baby.

And of course there’s school and family and all the distractions and joys of daily life. 16 weeks in, 24 to go.