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The One Who is Here

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It is hitting my heart harder than usual this year. I’ve been wondering quite a bit about the babies I lost and who they might have been. I imagine having children of different ages, and I dream about having more than 2 sweet girls here in my […]

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Wistful, Wondering

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This day is a bittersweet day for me. I think of the babies that were not born into this world. I think of the pain, both physical and emotional, of their losses. But I also think of the incredible kindness shown to me by family and […]

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Sweet Afton

Little Sister is here. Her name is Afton Mattea-Mary, named for a beloved folk song (you can listen to it here, lyrics are a poem by Robert Burns) and for two people who have supported us and loved us unconditionally through it all – my brother, Matthew, and my grandmother, Mary. I can never fully […]

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Why I Chose a CVS, And Why I Support Non Invasive Testing

As a member of the parenting community, here’s a sampling of things I get to hear and read with great frequency: -“I would never choose a cvs or amnio because I wouldn’t want to harm my baby.” -“I would never choose a cvs or amnio because I would never terminate my pregnancy.” -“I would never […]

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I’ve lost another baby. That’s the third I’ve lost, the third in a row, and my fourth pregnancy. Lost before we knew boy or girl or had much time to dream about who might be joining the family. There’s not much to say at this point, though this third loss magically opens a door to […]

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Mother’s Day

It’s Mother’s Day and I want so much to simply celebrate the girl who made me a momma. I want to be able to say I’ve been pregnant once and have one beautiful girl. I want to go back to the time when pregnancy meant a baby in 40 weeks, for my family to grow, […]

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Relief. I could use some right about now. It occurred to me yesterday morning, as I drove home from the hospital, the stress I’ve been under lately. And the stress hubby has been under. It hit me like a ton of bricks and the realization overwhelmed me. We lost a baby. Became pregnant again shortly […]

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The blog has been silent for a while as I process something that happened last month. I didn’t want to write about it, but I find that by being silent on this one thing, I cannot find words to talk about anything else. By denying this one thing, I deny its impact on the rest […]

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