The One Who is Here

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It is hitting my heart harder than usual this year. I’ve been wondering quite a bit about the babies I lost and who they might have been. I imagine having children of different ages, and I dream about having more than 2 sweet girls here in my arms. Had we not lost so many, had my pregnancies been easier, we may have hoped for a third living child.

But even as I dream about the might-have-beens, Afton has been especially…Afton lately, inspiring me to take a long look at my youngest.

She is just a little wisp of a girl, and there are still days I can’t believe she’s here, and she’s my child. She speaks and moves with such confidence. Her assertiveness certainly comes from me, but there is still a gentleness there that reminds me of hubby.

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She is so funny and so loving. She always looks to include, and I believe she gets that from Rowenna. When on a walk, she frequently reaches for Rowenna’s hand so they may walk together. When the cats are around, she brings them her toys and shows them how to play.

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Afton is deeply tied to the earth. She loves to dig and tend and pick. She surveys the garden each time she is outside and it is very clear she considers it her domain.

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This girl, this sweet girl with soft, fuzzy hair that forms into ringlets. This belly laughing, peek-a-booing, playful soul. This assertive, self-assured little person.

She is here. Here to hold, here to love. While I miss the babies not with me today, I am so very grateful for this sweet soul that stayed.

 

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2 Responses to The One Who is Here

  1. Diane October 17, 2015 at 8:31 am #

    I love your tribute to Afton. She truly is a girl beyond words :)

  2. Leah October 20, 2015 at 12:15 am #

    Beautiful post. I was thinking about you on this day. Your willingness to write about your losses has touched me. Sending my thoughts your way.

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